From Dr. Spock to Dr. Becky
Parenting advice has always been more than instructions for bedtime and broccoli. It reflects how we understand authority, love, trauma, and growth. From the postwar comfort of Dr. Spock to the trauma-informed revolution of Ruth Beaglehole to the neuroscience-savvy empathy of Dr. Becky Kennedy, the arc of parenting advice reveals the evolving soul of our culture.
Trust Yourself… and Stay in Control
In 1946, Dr. Benjamin Spock published The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, which sold over 50 million copies. His message was radical for its time: “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” He gave permission for parents, especially mothers, to listen to their intuition rather than strict behaviorist routines.
But Spock still upheld a firm structure. His advice leaned toward benevolent control: be warm but stay in charge. Misbehavior was still to be corrected, and emotional outbursts still required taming. The child was no longer just a vessel to be filled, but he was still not quite a full participant in the relationship.
The System Within the Family
Decades later, Ruth Beaglehole shattered that model by challenging the premise of adult-child power. Through her work at the Echo Parenting & Education Center in Los Angeles, she exposed what she called “childism”—the societal bias that assumes adults have the right to control children simply because they’re older and stronger.
Her approach was steeped in nonviolence, trauma awareness, and emotional literacy. Rather than asking how to discipline, she wondered why we need to. She reframed parenting as relational repair, not behavior management. She believed children didn’t need to be shaped—they needed to be seen and honored.
Beaglehole’s influence helped catalyze the gentle parenting movement, which reframes misbehavior as a form of communication and calls on parents to meet, rather than manage, their children.
The Therapist in Every Parent’s Pocket
In today’s digital age, no parenting voice has gained more traction than Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and founder of the Good Inside platform. Through viral videos, courses, and her bestselling book, Kennedy teaches that all kids—and all parents—are “good inside.”
Her model blends modern neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotional regulation. Where older models focused on what the child was doing, Dr. Becky shifted attention to what the child was feeling and what the parent was reacting to. She teaches repair over punishment, connection over control, and regulation over reactivity.
Dr. Becky’s popularity isn’t just about her insights but her tone. She speaks to parents who are exhausted by perfectionism and shame and gives them permission to be human, try, rupture, and repair.
Gentle Parenting Goes Mainstream
This philosophy is now more than a trend—it’s a movement. According to a recent CNN article on gentle parenting, the shift toward empathy, emotional safety, and mutual respect is no longer fringe. It’s part of the broader cultural awakening around mental health, trauma, and emotional intelligence.
As CNN explains, gentle parenting “centers around empathy, understanding, and respect.” It contrasts with older, authoritarian models by encouraging boundaries with kindness and emotional expression without shame.
Importantly, it doesn’t mean permissiveness. As Dr. Becky puts it, “Firm and kind can coexist.” A tantrum doesn’t mean a lack of discipline—it’s an opportunity for co-regulation. A boundary doesn’t have to be a battle—it can be an invitation to learn relationship.
From Obedience to Awareness
The gradual movement from obedience to awareness unites these three figures—Spock, Beaglehole, and Kennedy.
- Spock gave parents permission to trust themselves.
- Beaglehole gave children the dignity of being seen.
- Dr. Becky gives families the tools to connect and repair.
The child is no longer a problem to fix but a person to meet, and parenting is no longer a performance but a practice.
The New Parenting Wisdom
We are no longer just shaping our children—we are being reshaped by them. Every meltdown becomes a mirror. Every tantrum, a test of presence. The revolution isn’t just in how we parent, but in how we are.
And maybe that’s the real legacy of this evolving wisdom:
- That parenting is not a strategy, but a path.
- Not a set of answers, but an invitation.
- Not a job to master, but a relationship to honor.
Take a look at the world today, and ask yourself:
How would the world be different
if this person had received better parenting?
What if a child who felt seen becomes an adult who can see others?
What if the way we love our children becomes how the world loves?
This is not just parenting advice. It’s the quiet revolution that might save us all.
John Harper is a Diamond Approach® teacher, Enneagram guide, and human development student whose work bridges psychology, spirituality, and deep experiential inquiry. He is the author of The Enneagram World of the Child: Nurturing Resilience and Self-Compassion in Early Life and Good Vibrations: Primordial Sounds of Existence, available on Amazon.